How to write an obituary

Before you start: gather the facts

Ten minutes of gathering saves an hour of rewriting. Write these down first, even as a messy list:

• Full legal name, and the name everyone actually used
• Dates and places of birth and death, and age
• Parents’ names
• Spouse, children and their spouses, grandchildren, siblings
• Family members who died earlier
• School, work, military service, faith community
• Service time and place, visitation, burial, and any charity for donations

Ask one other relative to check the list. Most mistakes in obituaries are names and dates, not words.

The seven steps

1. Announce the death

One sentence: name, age, hometown, date. “Margaret “Peggy” Collins, 85, of Tampa, Florida, passed away on October 10, 2026, at home.” You can choose the verb that fits your family: passed away, died peacefully, went home to be with the Lord.

2. Tell where their life began

Birthplace, date and parents, and one detail about growing up if you have it. “Born in Dayton, Ohio, to Robert and Helen Miller, Peggy grew up on the family dairy farm.”

3. Sum up the life, briefly

School, work, service, marriage. Use numbers where you can: “taught third grade for 32 years” says more than “was a dedicated teacher.”

4. Say who they were

Two or three things they loved, and one line only your family could write. “She never let anyone leave her kitchen hungry.” This is the part people remember.

5. List the family

Survivors first, then those who died before. Put spouses of children in brackets: “her children, Mark (Lisa) Collins and Anne (David) Reyes.” Use semicolons between groups when the names contain commas.

6. Give the service details

Type of service, time, day and date, place and address, then visitation and burial. If details aren’t set yet, write “Services will be announced by the family.”

7. Close with donations and thanks

“In lieu of flowers, the family asks that donations be made to…”, and a thank-you to hospice or caregivers if the family wants one.

How long should it be?

A common approach: publish the full obituary free on the funeral home’s site, and print a short notice in the paper that points to it.

What to leave out

• The exact birth date and mother’s maiden name in anything published online. They are common security questions, and obituaries are a known source for identity theft. The year of birth is enough.
• The home address. Funerals are a known time for break-ins; if the service time is public, ask a neighbor or friend to stay at the house.
• Family conflict. An obituary is not the place to settle anything. If someone’s inclusion is disputed, the safest wording is the plainest.
• The cause of death, unless the family wants it there.

Where to publish it, and what it costs

• The funeral home’s website: usually included in their services, with no length limit. Most also syndicate to memorial sites.
• The local newspaper: paid by the line, word or inch, often more with a photo. Ask for the price and deadline before you finalize the length; the funeral home can often place it for you.
• Social media: free, and where many friends will actually see it. Post the full version or a link to it.

Questions

Who usually writes the obituary?

Usually the closest family: a spouse, an adult child or a sibling, often with help from the funeral director, who will check the service details.

How soon does the obituary need to be written?

Usually within one to three days, so the service details reach people in time. If the paper’s deadline is close, publish a short notice first and the full obituary online.

Should the obituary be written in the past tense?

Yes for their life (“she worked”, “he loved”), present tense for the family who survive them (“she is survived by”).

Is it okay to include humor?

Yes, if it sounds like them. A light line about a famous habit often says more than a list of virtues.